The power in pain
It seems that as a collective human race, we fear our own feelings. In fact, our species goes to certain lengths to retract specific feelings away from us. We see vulnerability as a weakness, so we create thick shields of resistant and unbreakable armour around out hearts that supplies anyone who tries to sooth it with a warning of aggression. We boast about not having tear ducts or having a heart as cold as a shivering lake on a winters day like it’s a good thing. We don’t want to get hurt so what do we do? We hurt people first, trying to create logical reasoning in our heads by convincing ourselves that if we didn’t do it, we’d be beaten to the punch by another. We are so scared of change that we force consistency upon ourselves, not understanding that spring isn’t supposed to last twelve months of the year. We even stay committed in relationships that make us categorically unhappy because we are so fearful of the temporary solitude that we must face on the other side of a break up. We have locked ourselves in a small box, lacking oxygen, lacking space, lacking hope, but oozing in normality. All because we don’t want to feel any emotions that we feel are threatening to our existence. I’ll tell you what’s threatening towards out existence; simply existing, without the life. In life, there’s emotion. In emotion, growth. In emotion; protection, understanding, connection, differences. In emotion? Life.
It’s no secret anomaly for any individual that painful emotions are just that: painful. Heartbreak feels like a magnifying glass of agony is being directly shone into the centre of our shattered hearts. What was once whole, is now broken into little pieces and your tears just aren’t adhesive enough to stick it back together. Guilt feels like a chainsaw of shame creating an incision through the deepest parts of your psyche. Sadness resembles a cloak of vulnerable invisibility being warped around the essence of who you are, as you struggle to even understand that yourself. Shame eats away at you. Depression steals you of life. Anxiety rob you of parts of yourself, too. It’s no wonder we prefer to feel empty than pain. But I’m here to propose that maybe, within pain there is power, purpose, potential. Maybe pain has all of the elements needed for preparation. Preparation for the person you are becoming. The person you were always meant to be.
The potential in pain comes in the lessons that this emotion brings us. Lessons that are unquestionably more difficult than that of 2 plus 2, but lessons with equal significance of knowing that the answer to that is 4. Understandably, we would prefer to feel empty because that feeling of vast nothingness within our hearts requires a lot less tissues, and a lot less uncertainty than that of a broken one does. But, a car without gas is simply an aesthetic. A vehicle with no horse power; no momentum; no drive. The potential of a car comes to an emergency stop when it has no fuel to start it. Similarly, a human with an empty heart lacks the emotive traits to simply be a human. Emptiness coincides with no drive; no ambition; no get up and go; no motivation. A human who chooses emptiness over emotion isn’t a human at all. Not in totality. A human who chooses emptiness over emotion is simply an aesthetic, suppressing their potential within a cloak of hollowness. Your purpose becomes vacant and stagnancy prevails. Choosing emptiness, whether you are conscious of that decision or not, means that you repel pain away from you, yes, but you also repel joy away from ever entering your fragile heart. And what is life without happiness wrapping her arms around you? What is life without clarity taking you out for dinner? What is life without joy springing her ideas upon you? What is life without peace waking you up in the morning? What is life without euphoria?
Well, if the planet failed to rain then the flowers wouldn’t bloom. If the human race didn’t encounter disaster, then we wouldn’t bind together in harmonious rejoice to undo those prior mistakes to the deepest of our capacity. If the temperature of the Earth remained the same through the entirety of it, the majority of the billions of animals that boast an inhabitance here; would diminish. A freezing cold block of ice is heaven for one, but death for another. My point is, without the duality of life, this world would be a mere shell. Without the dichotomy, life would lack character, purpose, depth. Without the polarity of a human, we would just be an existential vacuum. Without pain, without fear, life would be meaningless. Mutually, without joy, without elation, life would be really meaningless. Pain is as important to the human experience as the moon is to the tides; the rainfall to the tulips; the sun to the sky. Pain is as important to the human experience, as you are to this world.
The more sensitive you allow yourself to be to pain, then the more you can allow peace to run her fingers through your hair. And if you’re still not convinced that lifes affliction is worth lifes elation, then allow me to elaborate.
Can you imagine the depth of fear overtaking the entirety of the powerless caterpillar as they undergo a confusing metamorphosis? The creature is stripped of any familiar consciousness as it decomposes and turns into a liquid essence within the cocoon. Now, can you imagine if the caterpillar decided to retract this natural growth away from him, because he was too scared of the painful unknown that accompanied the cocoon? He would never gain his wings which ooze in a kaleidoscope of technicolour. He would never experience that first moment of breakage; in which the fresh air of the Earth kissed his wings. He would never undergo a pure transformation. He would never be able to fly. The caterpillar delves into uncertainty because that is their natural rhythm of life. Feeling emotion; is the natural rhythm of yours. Don’t choose emptiness over transformation. Don’t push pain away at the cost of pushing change away, too. You deserve to grow; you deserve to evolve; you deserve to emerge out of the unknown darkness of life, traumas behind you, and feel the fresh air of Mother Earth kiss you on the forehead. You deserve to fly. But, only the pain of falling can give you your technicolour wings. To fly, you must jump. And to jump, you must fall. And to fall, you must get up. But every time you arise, a colour gets added to your kaleidoscope of dreams. Each colour, an experience. And with experiences, come wings.
